I know that this has probably existed in some form or another for years, and this isn’t a new trend, but it seems new to me and I must complain about it. Suddenly, members of my generation think the Mumford & Sons look is a timeless look that will capture their celebration of love in a beautiful way for years to come. I think this looks is only slightly better than having a Renaissance Fair wedding.
No one dresses like this. Literally no one except Mumford & Sons. Even if you were from the country… your father and grandfather still likely did not dress like this. So stop it. Don’t think you are timeless. You will be cringe-worthy in 10 years and your children will wonder why you dressed like you lived in Oklahoma during the Great Depression on your wedding day. It’s a trend and it’s a costume.
Maybe I’m just a crabby, old spinster but I had to say it.
Carrying my 10 foot longboard through my apartment surprisingly sounds like a game on a pinball machine.
My friend had read a lot about zen gardens and decided it would be relaxing, fun, and decorative to have her own. She found some DIY tips which basically included getting some 2 x 4 wood planks, nailing them together and filling it up with sand.
A week later she went with her mini-rake to use her Zen garden and saw that she wasn’t it’s first user as it had several cat turds in it. Her Zen garden has since attracted even more of her neighborhood’s feral cats who use it as a giant litter box while she rakes out their poop in relaxation.
I am about a month away from leaving Hawaii and moving to Missouri. I feel like I have been on vacation the last 4 years of my life and while I’m excited to get back to the real world, I will miss Hawaii to the extent that words will not only “not do it justice”, but also make me look like a whiny bitch. For that reason, I decided to create the shorter and less depressing list: the list of things I will not miss about Hawaii.
- Traffic, duh.
- Gate guards. My new location will NOT have gate guards that will decide willy nilly to close all lanes except one, making me either 20 mins early or late to work.
- Island fever. I definitely walk away feeling like I know this island better than I know my hometown. I have also given directions to places on other islands. I love the island but I almost love exploring.
- Same old people. Sorry, but, with a few exceptions, I’ve seen enough of the same faces everyday. While I’m sure, deep deep deep deep down, I will miss these people, I am excited to meet new coworkers. Who wouldn’t be? It’s like I’m transferring schools.
- Cold weather. Yeah, cold weather sucks and it’s uncomfortable but sometimes it’s nice being uncomfortable. Like watching a scary movie or eating spicy food.
- It’s so pretty here every day that it’s hard to stay mad… and that’s infuriating. Had a bad day at work? Walk outside and there’s a rainbow in the sky with a scent of plumeria flowers in the air. It’s maddening.
- Hippies. While hippies and hipsters were really cool at first, they casts seriously judging looks almost constantly and can make a restaurant bar feel more exclusive than Mensa. I’m sorry about my Target-brand swim suit alright?!
- Work talk about their weekends on repeat. I am so excited to not have to hear people talk about their triumphs and tribulations with a surfboard, stand up paddle board, boogie board, kayaks, canoes or hikes. Nothing is more irritating than listening to the fat, hairy, bald guy beside you say he was chargin waves this weekend, brah.
- Outdoing each other in general. I’m excited to go somewhere where people say they had a nice weekend at home or took a road trip or watched the game and had a party. Right now it’s what crazy, local island adventure can we scheme up and brag about.
- Work competitiveness. I’m moving from an Active Duty Base to a Guard Base-location. I say Base-location because it is not a formal military base the way you would imagine one. Here I compete with over 30 peers with really no way to set ourselves apart except for back-stabbing and dumb-luck. Next month I will have few peers, travel a lot, and have a very laid back atmosphere to enjoy work more.
So there it is. My sad, short list I will read again and again until I’ve convinced myself it’s for the best.
Prenuptial agreements are basically money-back guarantees for a person.
Al and Bud, workers for the local moving company, stood outside the young woman’s apartment. Bud rang the doorbell and both men greeted the woman. While they examined the furniture, Bud noticed Al glancing at the pictures and eyeing the bedroom. Al knew young women were more likely to have the thing he treasured most and was eager to get to her room.
Before the living room was packed, Al had made his way to the bedroom to start packing in there. Al glanced over his shoulder to make sure he was alone then began to rummage through the underwear and sock drawers, shoeboxes on the highest shelf in the closet, and underneath the bed in search of the valuables. When he was sure Bud and the woman were preoccupied, he did it. He stole the thing that he stole from houses across the state.
The treasures he stole were cards. Birthday cards, anniversary cards, graduation and wedding cards -any sort of well-written sweet card. For Al had never received cards as a child, or any gentle words at all. His mother died when he was born, and his father, a mean and busy man, never showed him kindness. Al read through these cards yearning to a have a relationship with someone like the ones the card recipients had with others. He would take one or two from every house and reread them again and again, pretending someone had given them to him.
As time went on Al had hundreds of cards and started a family of his own. When his two sons, twins, had learned to read at an adult level, he decided it was time to share the message of love that could be found in a card with them. He poured over his stolen cards and painstakingly read through every single one, finding the perfect words and personalizing the messages that would speak to each child. He realized that although he had taken these cards for himself, they now allowed him to be able to share the most heart-felt words with his children in a way that had never been shared to him. He was the gentle father he always dreamed of and his boys would soon know the depth of his love for them.
The boys woke up and noticed two birthday cards on their nightstands. Simultaneously, the twins tore open the envelope, opened the card upside-down, and shook it to see if anything fell out. When nothing did, they chucked the cards and went downstairs for breakfast, disappointed -as would most anyone who only got a card for their birthday.